More Real Now than Ever

I’m sitting here staring at my E-ticket.
I just got my flight information and hotel reservation in DC sent to me and I finally feel like this is happening!

Truth be told I have been doubting.

I kept saying, I won’t believe it, I won’t really accept that I’m going with the Peace Corps till I have the invitation in my hand. Till I see it with my own eyes, I won’t get my hopes up. Well that was a few weeks ago, and lately I’ve felt like there’s going to be some last minute change or hiccup that will make everything unravel and fall apart.

Does everyone feel this way?

I remember this same feeling as I was standing in line to receive my college diploma. I felt that one of the administrators would yank me out of the line at any moment and tell me I wasn’t allowed to graduate nor get my diploma. And yet, there it is, hanging on my wall.

God knows I need my fleeces; my scarred hands. I embody the skepticism of Gideon and the doubt of Thomas. Not great, shining examples of trust and certainty, and yet, they are fantastic examples of humanity. God made me human, he delights in my humanity; celebrates in it! So much so that he took it on himself. So when I told him I wondered if this was really happening and informed him that I felt I should wait until I see the E-ticket before quitting my job and selling most everything I own. He did what anyone who understands me best would do- had me wait till the last second before sending me the E-ticket at just the right time.

I will probably always need my “proofs”. But that’s ok. 🙂

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